


I try not think about him.

by FrikinTrash



Category: The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Bonding, Emotions, Fluff, Healing, M/M, Queen of Air and Darkness Spoilers, Reunion, Sad boys find happiness, Scholomance, TyxKit, jem and Tessa are parents, just spoilers for anything before December 2018, possible light smut later, soft, the wicked powers theories, they have a baby, thinking love is unrequited when it’s not, threeyearsafterQoAaD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2019-09-21 13:36:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17044700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrikinTrash/pseuds/FrikinTrash
Summary: Over three years after leaving Alicante without saying goodbye, Kit finds his new idyllic life with Jem and Tessa is imperfect due to the lack of one person,Ty. After Jem and Tessa leave on a mission to uncover the motives of the Unseelie Queen Kit moves into the Scholomance for his protection but in doing so must confront his feelings and the feeling of the person who matters the most to him.





	1. Imperfection

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very short intro but in case you missed the tags DONT READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN’T FINISHED QUEEN OF AIR AND DARKNESS.

Kit lay awake listening to the waves crashing outside his window. The morning sun shone brightly into the room, the daggers, swords and rapiers hanging on the wall glistening. He’d been living with Tessa and Jem at their new home in Devon for just over three years. He still wasn’t used to being the first heir and it hadn’t been mentioned since that day they’d left Alicante.

Kit should’ve been happier than he was. Life was idyllic, the World was relatively peaceful, he was training to become a fully fledged shadowhunter. He had family now too, Jem and Tessa cared so much about him and he loved his younger brother Will, who he had already tried to teach the basics of lock picking to(it hadn’t been successful but it was a start). He spent a lot of his time looking after Will, well at least when he wasn’t training. Although when he wasn’t doing either of them he would read. 

He’d already got through every book in the house, except for the Sherlock Holmes collection Tessa had got him for his seventeenth birthday. He couldn’t bring himself to read them because of the memories they triggered. Of the one thing that made his idyllic life imperfect, Tiberius Blackthorn.

He got up with a start, looking around for something to do to distract his mind from its wandering. No matter how hard he tried not too he still thought of Tiberius, he refused to call him Ty as nicknames like that were saved for people you are close to, and the emotions attached to these thoughts still hurt as much as they had that night beside Lake Lynn, a wound which no iratze could heal.

He moved on, forward, down the short corridor which connected his room and the kitchen. Jem, Tessa and Will were already there eating their breakfast of beans on toast, a meal he’d at first found strange but now he understood its appeal. Still he preferred starting his day with just a cup of coffee, which Tessa scolded him for complaining that “He needed something substantial to start the day.” He disagreed preferring the wakefulness caffeine provided.

“Good morning Kit.” Tessa chimed as he crossed the room. He nodded groggily in reply “Mornin’.” He was to tired to interact at this time and helped himself to coffee and his regular seat on the couch. Tessa came over to him almost immediately, which he found odd, “Kit, Jem and I aren’t going to be around much today. We’ve got to go to the clave, it’s about you-,’ as soon as she paused Kit knew what she would say next, “it’s about your heritage, something’s come up...” He went to question her but Jem replied before he could interrupt “We don’t know much but the Seelie Queen has declared her interest in a shadowhunter of significance.”  
“Which means you can’t be there,” Tessa continued, “If the Queen does want you we don’t know what she’ll do to get you, or how much she knows about you.” He thought about the scrying glass which Julian had watched Malcolm’s death through, what had she seen of Kit, how much did she know about his parents.

“It’s okay I understand,” he assured them,” I’ll stay here and take care of Will.”  
“Thank you, we’ll tell you everything when we get back.” Tessa said.  
“When do you leave?”  
“Soon.” Jem said.  
“We’re going in a few minutes, we want to meet with Clary and Jace before the meeting so we’re getting there early,” Tessa looked at Will still sat in his high chair,” Are you sure you’re going to be okay managing Will?”  
“Of course I will be, I promise we won’t get into any trouble, he’s in safe hands.” Kit gestured to himself.  
Tessa laughed and kissed him gently on the forehead, a motherly gesture. “We have to go now but we’ll be back by this evening.”  
She walked over to Will to say goodbye as Jem told Kit “Stay safe, we’ll find out what we can.” 

They’d left through Tessa’s portal before the caffeine had kicked in.


	2. Tension

Kit spent most of his day looking after Will, playing with him, making him food, the regular jobs for an older brother. Now he was on the floor sat with will as he scribbled over his colouring book of heroic shadowhunters. He flipped the page revealing a drawing of the blackthorns, stood in a line across the battlefield. Kit saw Tiberius and now could think of nothing else.

He had to admit he missed him.There was some something that linked them, he could feel it stretched over the distance between them, like an elastic band near its breaking point. “He doesn’t care about me! So why do I care about him?” He said out loud letting the rhetorical question hang in the air prompting only Will to look up mildly confused. Kit knew he didn’t understand, which was good because it meant Kit could say what he was feeling without judgement. “ I told him that I loved him, because I did.” He paused for a shaky breath, “Because I do love him. I can’t help it.” Kit hadn’t noticed but at some point he’d started crying. He could feel his heart breaking all over again, it hurt, the hollow emptiness inside him. He’d never loved before Ty, even with his father he never felt like he belonged with anyone else - but Ty, something about being with him made him feel whole. It had taken him a while to come to terms with that, with being attracted to a guy, but just thinking about Ty made his heart flood with emotion and break apart in an instant.

Will moved towards him and hugged Kit, he might’ve not understood why but he knew and hated seeing Kit upset.  
“Are you okay?” Will mumbled, barely understanding the words he said. “I’m fine, just remember things that happened years ago.” Kit paused, “Anyway it doesn’t matter. How’s your colouring going.” He ushered Will back towards the still open colouring book. Though Kit was still thinking of that night, what had he done wrong, why hadn’t Ty cared. He thought the pain would heal with distance and time, he doubted Ty even remembered to think about him.

Around half an hour later Kit heard the sound of a portal opening and closing across the room. Jem and Tessa had returned. Will rushed over to greet them joyfully and the pair were clearly happy to be reunited with their son. Although when Jem looked up to meet Kit’s eyes his expression was grim, bad news was soon to come.

Jem walked towards Kit, still holding the same expression.  
“What’s happened?”  
“It’s okay Kit we just need to-“  
“Jem just tell me,” he cut Jem off, “please, I can help.”  
Jem stopped for a moment where he stood and looked at Kit, as if he was searching old memories. “Typical Herondale.” He laughed. “I’ll tell you everything okay, just know we have everything under control.”  
Tessa joined them, holding Will, “First we ought to put this one to bed.” She nodded in her son’s direction as he attempted to fight off his tiredness, “You should’ve tucked him in a while ago.”  
“He refused to settle till you got back.”  
“At least he’ll sleep well.” Jem suggested. Tessa sighed and walked towards Will’s room and mumbled under her breath “I wish I could get a good nights sleep.”

~ 

Kit and Jem sat opposite each other at the dining table, Tessa still reading to Will in the other room.  
“The Seelie Queen is making demands, she wants Clary.”  
Kit was speechless, what had caused this. “Why. What are going to do?”  
“We don’t know why, but Tessa and I are going to find out.”  
Kit gasped, he hated to admit it but he relied on their support “I’ll come with you. I can challenge the Queen.”  
Jem’s voice changed to an authoritative tone, “Kit you can’t. If the Queen find out about you who knows what she’ll do, it’s not safe.” His voice calmed slightly, “We can’t risk you Kit, you’re more important than you know.” A pressure was building behind his eyes, what was the point of training if he couldn’t help, he didn’t want to stand by and see people get hurt again.

“What can I do?” He asked as Tessa reentered the room.  
“This is what we have to do Kit,” she explained, “We’ve made arrangements for Will to stay with the Blackthorns. You can go with him if you want.” Kit’s heart stopped, “The other option is the Scholomance, I could be useful for you.” The second option barely had space in his mind, he with flooded with the idea of returning to the Blackthorns. To those who had become his family years ago. To Ty. But he couldn’t face it not now, not to a Ty who didn’t care about him, he couldn’t bare to see him. Plus he’d already burdened them all once, he didn’t want to do that all over again.

“I’ll go to the Scholomance.” Jem and Tessa looked at him, both slightly confused “Okay..” Jem murmured.  
“ You don’t want to see the Blackthorns?”  
“No it’s not that,” he paused to think of an excuse, “ I just want to be useful, I thought if I go to the Scholomance I can start research about the fae, just in case.” Jem hugged him, “It’ll be okay Kit.” Tessa joined in on the group hug. Kit hadn’t noticed the panic rising inside him till it started to dissipate. He loved how safe he felt with both of them.

“We leave in two days so we don’t have long to prepare.” Kit only nodded into Jem’s chest. He’d protect them, even if he couldn’t go with them he’d do whatever he could from the Scholomance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Waddup ladz, sorry for the slow update. I’m really bad at this just super busy all the time, I’m literally writing this in my biology lesson rn. Anyway I hope you’re enjoying, please give me advice and any corrections that need making because proof reading is a weak point of mine. I’ll post again sometime (soon hopefully). Thanks for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> Ya Yeet! So I got inspired to write because I need some sort of resolution to what’s going on with my kids so I thought I’d give you all this. Let’s use this to heal after the beautiful trauma that is Queen of Air and Darkness. Also please comment and let me know if you like this :) I’m hoping to have this up before Christmas and hopefully a deadline will make me actually finish this one.


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